Thu, 22 May 2014
I was asked what makes a good Dominant. In this episode I discuss my past Dominants and what made them good for me, and why.
Julie, I have been a listener to your podcast for about 6 months now and I am really enjoying it. I sought out your podcast and a few others as I began to notice certain desires and cravings to be submissive in my relationship with my husband. When these feelings began to surface I approached my husband about taking a more dominant role in our play in order to experiment how both of us felt and while this has just urged my desire for more for my husband he has enjoyed the play but admits that it is not something that just comes naturally. He seems to have to undo a lot of the programming that has come with feminism and fairness and "treating women right", etc., etc. My husband and I have had an open relationship/poly relationship for about a year now and he has suggested that I use our open space to explore this for myself further and perhaps if he learns something along the way that would be great as well. This is where I seem to be a bit stuck. I admit that I am not plugged in at all to the BDSM community, I don't have an account on FetLife and I am feeling a bit like a deer with wide eyes staring into headlights of an oncoming car. I have listened to enough podcasts on the topic of where women who put themselves out their as submissive can be preyed upon by those with not the best of intentions and I have read enough about predators on FetLife to scare me about putting myself out there in this way. I guess what I am asking, is there another way to proceed on this quest? I really want to find someone who is experienced and will help me explore. I do know in my own fantasy world and the play with my husband what seems to work so it is not that I can't speak to what I want at this point. Also is it possible to find a dominant who would help me explore but also include perhaps guiding my husband if that were appropriate or is this just not something that is ever done? What are the pitfalls of becoming someone else's submissive while you are married to a "primary" who also has a decent degree of a dominant nature. Sorry for the all the questions and in advance, thank you for all your help and the wisdom that you bring to the podcast each week. Also, Sir R should try to participate more if he can, it is great to hear the dynamic between you both! (Not to mention, he has a very sexy podcast voice!) Thanks - Renee
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